With Sunday’s match up against the Colts approaching I am looking for every reason to hate Peyton Manning.  It’s not as easy to hate Peyton Manning as it is to hate d!ckhe@d Tom Brady. See the Stetson add below.

Cowboy Brady. Barf

Peyton Manning is a really good QB.  He scores mad freaking fantasy football points.  He makes players around him better.  He made me laugh with his SNL United Way skit and some of his commercials, “laser rocket arm” comes to mind…But I am going to take my best shot…

Why I hate Peyton Manning (this week)

Reason #1

The one smudge on Mr. Manning’s resume is his “incident” with assistant  trainer Jamie Ann Naughright while at Tennessee.  This excerpt is from Wikipedia….so you know it has to be true
In 1996, while still quarterback at the University of Tennessee , Manning dropped his pants while being treated by assistant athletic trainer Jamie Ann Naughright. After an investigation, the university concluded the incident was a “mooning” gone awry and not sexual in nature, and Manning was disciplined and required to apologize in writing to Naughright.[48] The university chose to settle Naughright’s sexual harassment claims (which included the Manning incident) for $300,000.[49] In 2003, Manning settled a 2002 lawsuit filed by Naughright for $300,000. In the suit Naughright alleged that “Manning: A Father, His Sons and a Football Legacy”, a book written by Manning, his father and author John Underwood, defamed her.[50]

A MOONING GONE AWRY?  How does a mooning go awry?  Nothing is good when the word awry is used to describe what happened.  Here are some scenarios where a mooning may have gone awry.

Instead of bending over, pulling your pants down and spreading your ass cheeks so some unsuspecting person can see your asshole, you –

A.Show an unsuspecting person your cock.

B.Show an unsuspecting person your cock with a prop or hidden in a prop (hot dog in a bun joke).

C.Show an unsuspecting person your scrotum

D.Show an unsuspecting person a picture of a passed out person with your scrotum on their forehead.

E.Show an unsuspecting person your boner.

Scenarios A. B. C and D. are all surprisingly funny and acceptable in a locker room setting around a bunch of meat heads

However, scenario E. is crossing the line.

Peyton Manning you should be ashamed of yourself.  Grow up.  Leave the assistant trainer alone.  Petyon Manning is perverted in my book.

Reason #2  Why I don’t like Peyton Manning (this week)

His snap counts and audibles.  We get it.  You changed the play.  Just hike the ball.  Blazer! Blazer! Omaha Omaha Hut hut HUT Omaha! Blazer! blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I also don’t like your three strep drops, your five step drops, your seven step drops, your play action fakes, and you making your key reads.

Reason #3 Why I hate Peyton Manning (this week)

THIS GUY.

Close your eyes because the below picture burns.  Whoever thought this photo shoot was a good idea is a moron.  Eli should be flagged fifteen yards for unnecessary g@yness.  Still, I am sure there is some freak out there that has this picture scotch-taped to his or her wall. Errr locker.  Than means you # 10.

Put a shirt on Elisha.

Thank you Eli for being a little bitch and crying with your Daddy on draft day in 2004 that, “we don’t want to play in San Diego. Waaaaaaaa!”  And thank you NY Giants for Shawn Merriman.

Your DNA sucks Peyton Manning.  I hate you because of your family’s hatred toward San Diego.

Suck it Peyton and suck it Manning family.

-Homer Freer